Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
