this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
