Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
there was a trapeze. enough said
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
