I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
