i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
