drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
