WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
