I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
