We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
