well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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