Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
