Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
