I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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