let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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