its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
why is half of my head shaved?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
