btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
