Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
