singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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