My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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