she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
