Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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