Redeem this text for a blowjob
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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