i barfeds in our rink
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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