After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
