I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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