On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
