dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
