Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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