glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
