You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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