when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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