dude i'm inner monologue high
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
