matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
