Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
