I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
