he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
