I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
