The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
