I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
