i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
