either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
