i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
