i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
