it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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