Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
