I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
