i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
