I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
