My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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