Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
